Malmo's Manifesto

I'm coaching right now, as we speak. But a lot of you don't recognize it as such because it's different than anything you've ever seen. I was lucky. In high school I had a coach that knew nothing about running, and yet he knew everything there was to know about coaching and motivation. Take a look at these modern-day, New Age coaching "geniuses" that have taken over. They've got their Level I,II, and III coaching certificates in one hand, and they can recite verse by verse from their running-geek exercise physio-nonsense running books; yet they don't know a damn thing about running or competition! Did Bill Bowerman or Jumbo Elliot ever have a silly coaching certificate? Get out!

Last time I checked, running was a sport, an athletic COMPETITION - not some sort of laboratory-rat time trial. If you'll agree with me that it's all about competition, then don't you think that most of your focus should be on preparing yourself for competition? For that you need real coaching.

Coaching is about motivating and provoking athletes into doing what they never thought they could do before. How the heck do you think those pre-pubescent little girls do amazing things in gymnastics? IT'S COACHING, DAMMIT - not some "Jim Beam's Gymnastics Formula" book!

Ever hear me tell anyone how much to run? NOPE. Ever hear me tell anyone about my 12-step contrived training schedules? NOPE. What do I tell you guys? It goes like this, baby:

Run twice a day, as many days as you can. Hopefully five, six or seven days a week.
Run more. How much? I dunno. You figure it out, but find out for yourself.
Run it faster.
Love running and LOVE racing.
Stay focused.
Set goals and don't be afraid to fail.
Listen to your body and don't be afraid to rest.
Compete WITH your comrades in sweat - never AGAINST them.
Smile a lot.

Each time you read my words you fall further and further into my trap. I've already planted the seed into your subconscious. My Master Plan is to take over, one click at a time. Soon you'll be lifting weights at my behest, only they won't be barbells, they'll be pods, and you'll be loading them onto flatbed trucks destined for the rest of the world! There you have it - Malmo's Manifesto. I told you it would be less than four pages."

- former 3000-meter steeplechase American record holder, 1:01 half-marathoner, and 2:12 marathoner George "Malmo" Malley